By Nellie Curtiss . . .
It’s Father’s Day, almost. I’m reminded of the day in June 1961 when my mom brought home her new husband. Looking up at him as tall as the sky, my little sister with shiny white paten shoes with buckles and I with the same shoes that made me twirl, asked shyly, “Are you our new daddy?” I think I was 5 and my little sister was three.
In his dress US Air Force blues, he answered, “Yes, I am.” As he spoke, he picked us both up; and we felt like he must be the strongest man in the world.
Somewhere along the way I realized he was a cross between James Dean (star of Rebel without a Cause) and Bogie (Humphrey Bogart star of Casablanca); he told stories about the years of rumbling in Fall River, how he carried metal knuckles just in case he met a rival gang or a lone troublemaker.
Thus began twelve years with the only father we had really known. He saw me through two attacks on base housing after getting off the school bus. When I made it home after being pummeled into the gutter, daddy was very upset with what happened and wanted to make it right. But all I could think about was the football game at the stadium: our team was defending against another high school team nearby.
As Daddy pulled up to the entrance gate, he asked if I wanted him to come in with me; and I said “no” because I had friends waiting for me in the bleachers already. I was anxious, for sure, but I wanted to be at that game. Afterwards, he shuttled my best friend and I home.
I can still see our US. Air Force Master-Sgt Daddy across the dining table from me as we talked about algebra equations, and other abstract ideas. I remember the argumentativeness that he displayed with Mom who was very dismayed, so she walked away from the conversation. I remember many a logical argument with my dad and learning the ins and outs of my own voice and opinions.
But it was also at that table when as a 11th grade teen, I lectured him and mom about loving one another, forgiving one another, and honoring their vows. Later that night, my daddy told me thank you because he and mom had recommitted to one another. I was glad for them. They were my parents and I wanted life to be stable.
Still the edge of divorce was not easy and soon they divorced after mom had several bouts of depression and a hysterectomy. Her sister came to see her during this time. It was clear to all of us that divorce was inevitable. After our aunt left, Mom decided to also leave. I had graduated and was flapping my wings elsewhere; that’s when she loaded up my two sisters and moved to Texas.
He was the only father that I really knew all of my life. Psychologists and psychiatrists say that fathers are important in girls’ lives, likewise mothers are important in boys’ lives. Family is important despite family dynamics.
So let this coming Father’s Day be a reminder to parents to be all that they can be in their relationships with their children. Love them come earthquakes or blizzards; love them come marriage or divorce.
— Nelda Curtiss is a retired college educator and long-time local columnist. Reach her at columnsbynellie.com or email her at columnsbynellie@gmail.com
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